Monday, December 17, 2012

2013, A Year Without a Pregnancy

Recently I have had several people ask me when we are going to try to get pregnant again.  I don't have an answer to that question.  I do know that it will not be anytime soon.  I think it's hard for someone to imagine losing a pregnancy and not wanting to try again right away.  It is very hard to come home from the hospital with empty arms.  There is nothing I want more than for my son and daughter to be with me.  I also know that getting pregnant is not going to take away the pain of losing them.  They can never be replaced. When someone loses a spouse, nobody asks them when they are going to get married again.  We all know that a husband or wife can't be replaced.  Why can't people understand that a child is also irreplaceable?
The past three years have very stressful on my body.  I was pregnant with Gwenevere for most of 2010.  I got pregnant again in September or 2011 and had a miscarriage and D&C in late November.  I then became pregnant again in March of 2012 and delivered my twins prematurely in August.  My poor body has hardly had a break!  It's been four months since I gave birth to Penelope and James and I am finally starting to feel back to normal.  I still have baby weight to lose and I wonder if my stomach will ever look the same, but I feel physically good.  My body and my soul deserve a break.
I am actually looking forward to a year without pregnancy.  No prenatal vitamins, no morning sickness, no fatigue, no heartburn, no pelvic exams, no anxiety over losing another baby, and a glass or two of wine whenever I feel like it.  I can take some time to myself and my family and really focus on all the wonderful people in my life.  I am so blessed to have a beautiful little girl that keeps me busy and reminds me what is really important in life.  I have the best husband I could have ever wished for.  He is supportive, understanding, caring and makes me laugh every day.  My parents are amazing and they are there for me in every way.  I have a loving sister that is more ambitious and strong that I could ever hope to be.  Not to mention the incredible network of friends that I have surrounded myself with.  I am so lucky to be showered with so much love and support and I can't wait to spend the next year enjoying my life.
I still don't know the answer to the question of when we will try to get pregnant again.  I don't know when I will be emotionally ready to go down that road.  I do know that it is not now, and I am at peace with that.