Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Girl Mom

To the world I am a girl Mom.  I have two beautiful daughters, ages one and five.  I don't have Hot Wheels or superhero figurines in my home.  Our toy shelves are overflowing with My Little Pony figurines, magic wands and stuffed animals.  I don't know the pain of stepping on a lego, because my daughter has no interest in owning them.  I am well practiced in washing, conditioning, brushing and styling hair.  I have drawers full of hair accessories. When shopping I can't help but stop in the girls section to browse all of the adorable frilly dresses.  I'm told by other parents that although my children may seem like a handful, they are nothing compared to boys.  I can't possible understand the energy and wildness that little boys posses.  My toilet seats are always down.  Almost always, I do have a husband.  I have never seen an episode of Star Wars: Clone Wars or Bob the Builder.  I don't have any boys.  Except I do.

I have always wanted a daughter.  As much as I'd love to pretend that I didn't have a gender preference, I did.  When I was pregnant with Gwenevere I secretly wished for a girl.  We held a gender reveal party to announce to everyone, including ourselves, whether we were having a boy or a girl.  As my husband and I cut into the cake I was chanting in my head "Please be pink, please be pink, please be pink".  When the cake was in fact pink I cried tears of joy and relief.  I was thrilled that I would indeed be having a girl.  I know girls.  I grew up with a sister.  All of my best friends have been females.  I love all things girly.  I don't know what to do with a boy. 

When we went in for our ultrasound with our twins my husband and I agreed ahead of time that we would want to find out the baby's genders.  This time I was a little more open to the idea of a son.  I just wasn't sure I could handle two boys.  So I went in hoping for at least one girl.  When the ultrasound technician announced that we were having one boy and one girl I was ecstatic.  I would be getting another daughter as well as son.  I would have two girls and a boy.  I could do this.

With Victoria I can honestly say that I had no gender preference.  I was so worried that I may never bring home another living baby that boy vs. girl didn't even enter my mind.  We found out at 14 weeks that Victoria was a girl.  I felt conflicted.  I was happy at the prospect of bringing home another daughter.  But knowing that this was our last baby, I felt sad that I would never bring home a son.  Then I felt guilty.  I should just be happy that our baby is healthy so far. 

Now that both of my girls are here I am getting used to being a girl Mom.  But I still yearn to be a boy Mom. I wonder what my family would look like?  How different would it be?  What is that Mother Son bond like that I hear so much about? 

I am not disappointed that Victoria is a girl.  I love having two girls, and she is a wonderful addition to our family.  I will just always wonder what life would be like as a boy Mom.