Dear Mama of Twins,
I see you around, here and there. You have your two beautiful babies in tow. You make it look so effortless, so wonderful. You may have both babies in car seats or one in a sling. You have only been a Mom to these two babies for a matter of months, but you have it figured out. Or at least you appear to.
I see you walk in and I feel my heart sink. It's not your fault, or your babies fault. It is the fault of my life circumstances. You see, I am a Mama of twins as well. But you will never see them. I carried them for 22 weeks and 5 days and in a moment they were gone. I had that same moment that you probably had when you found out you were carrying not one baby but two. That holy crap, excited, scared and totally shocked moment. My belly, like yours, grew at a rapid rate. I started scrambling to figure out how our family was going to make room for two new lives. But those two new lives were over in less than an hour.
Every time I see you I want to talk to you. I want to tell you so much. I want you to know that those babies of yours should never be taken for granted, not even for a second. I want to tell you that you are so lucky. But I know that while you love those babies with all of your heart, there are hard times too. There are times when there is twice as much crying and dirty diapers and you just don't have enough hands. I know that caring for two babies is hard, emotionally and physically and sometimes you feel like it's just too much. I know your pregnancy wasn't easy. Well, at least not compared to singleton pregnancy. I'm sure carrying around the weight of two babies was more than uncomfortable. I'm sure that the balancing act that is your life now is sometimes overwhelming. I just wish I could somehow convey to you how lucky you are without diminishing your challenges.
If there was just one thing I could tell you it would be to always be grateful and love those babies with all of your heart. Please don't think that I am calling you ungrateful. I am sure that you are grateful for your babies every day. And know that I don't mean you shouldn't complain. Life is hard and raising children is one of life's biggest challenges. But in those moments when everyone is crying, the laundry is piling up, dinner needs to be cooked and you haven't had a moment to yourself all day just try to see all that you have. After coming home from the hospital without my son and daughter there were many heartbreaking moments. But one of the hardest things was the quiet moments. Those moments were sometimes too much to handle.
I now have a baby, as well as my four year old daughter. My laundry is piling up, my older daughter goes through the house each day like a tornado and my baby has colic. It's hard, emotionally and physically exhausting. Some days I want to cry, some days I do. But in the back of mind is always gratitude. I have to stop at times and just remember how incredibly lucky I am to have my two living children. I know what it's like to come home with empty arms and to have my arms full is truly a gift.
So if there is anything that you take away from this I hope that it is love and appreciation for your babies. Please give them one extra kiss every day. Please tell them "I love you" just one more time. Please give them an extra minute of snuggles at night. Please be gentle on yourself and know that you are being the best Mom you can be and that twins are not easy. Please don't feel guilty that you have your babies and I don't. That is not your burden. Just know that while your arms are incredibly full right now, so is your heart and that is something to truly be grateful for.