With Mother's Day looming closer and closer I am reminded of past Mother's Days. Last year Gwenevere was 17 months old and still toddling around. I was about 10 weeks pregnant and feeling as nauseated as the day is long. We had found out about two weeks before that not only was I pregnant, but I was carrying twins. I was just starting to really process the information and I was getting truly excited. But more than anything I felt pregnancy sickness.
Micah and I went to the Kellogg Center for brunch with my parents and Gwenevere in tow. I remember looking at all the food and wondering if I could keep any of it down. I was well into the Zofran phase of my pregnancy, but it still wasn't enough to stop the nausea. I nibbled on a couple pieces of fruit and crackers while everyone else enjoyed a delicious meal. Gwenevere ate pretty well and finished off her meal by scarfing down two cupcakes. I remember wanting to enjoy the day, but just feeling so sick.
Technically speaking, this will be my 4th Mother's Day, if you are allowing me to count the Mother's Day that I spent pregnant with Gwenevere. I remember feeling awful that day as well. The Mother's Day after that Gwenevere was five months old. She was an amazing baby and I was so happy to have been blessed to be her Mom. We went out to brunch that day at Troppo's and I brought along a pumped breast milk bottle for her lunch. I remember we all took turns holding her throughout our meal, passing her around like the bread basket as we took turns eating. This year will be my first Mother's Day that I am neither pregnant or breastfeeding. I am baby free.
With this day to celebrate Motherhood approaching I have struggled. It should be a happy day, but for many of us it comes with sadness. Not only do I think about my losses, I think of all the other women that have lost a child, or that have struggled with infertility. I think of all the people who have lost their own mother. What a difficult day this can be.
Instead of dwelling on the fact that two of my children are gone this year I am going to celebrate. I am going to celebrate being a Mom, and a pretty good one at that. I am going to celebrate my Mom, who happens to be one of the best Mom's I know. I am going to celebrate how lucky I am to have been raised by such a loving, caring, understanding, smart, kind, and all around awesome Mom. I am going to spend some time thinking about how I hope to be half the Mom she is. She raised two daughters, and while neither of us it perfect, we turned out pretty well. I am so thankful that she is able to be not only my Mom, but a Nana to my daughter. So this year we will go out to brunch and have fun. No nausea, no breast milk, just two great Moms.